Stop me if you heard this before.
You are an ambitious, creative person; You have big dreams of creating for a living.
You start a YouTube channel, Instagram, then you start live streaming and maybe even thinking of creating a podcast. You aren't seeing as much growth so you start watching videos that tell you how to do X in order to get Y. Suddenly that's the only type of videos you watch.
Your head is filled with advice and how to do this and that. You start doubting yourself.
On top of a full time job, planning a wedding and everyone is grabbing your attention.
That's me.
From 2015 to now I been trying to build something for myself and going no where. I honestly couldn't tell whether something I was doing was because I wanted to do it or because it was expected. The amount of noise (both figuratively and literally) was overwhelming. To the point, I couldn't find the energy or motivation to create videos or post on Instagram or even just to draw.
I needed to get away though I didn't realize it.
Then one day, I got an email from my manager urging us to put in time before the year end or else any PTO (paid time off) you have saved would be lost.
I look to see that I had 80+ hours of PTO. That's not including the time off I normally take for Thanksgiving and Christmas.
Two weeks worth of time to take.
I thought to myself when was the last time Kelly (my fiance) & I had a vacation just us. Normally when we take time off its to either visit family or when friend from out of state come to visit.
Our last vacation alone was in Venice, FL in 2015!!!
It was time.
“I just want to let being in nature wash me clean fill me with purpose." Kelly said in a text when deciding where we wanted to go.
“The mountains are calling me” Kelly would say whenever we talked about hiking or being in nature.
After much thought we decided to go out to Moab, Utah. A place we both never been to.
“What's in Utah?” Was the phrase I heard from friends and family when discussing our trip. It seemed like a weird destination for someone to go on vacation. Most thought it was for a conference or for visiting family ( which we did visit Kelly great uncle George).
For us though it was an opportunity to experience something new together. To just be present in the moment.
In order to make the most out of this trip,I placed a couple of rules for myself.
No posting anything about the trip until we came back.
no phone unless in the hotel or searching for direction.
Allow myself to present during that time.
Do activities that I naturally gravitate towards. Not because it would be great for social media but because I wanted to do it.
My goal was to observe my own behavior in a new environment. This was a test for me to see what I was really excited about vs what I thought I was excited about.
Here's what I experience.
Silence forces you to be present.
When I say to you that the desert is dead silent, I really do mean it. I never thought of the desert to be as quiet as it is; considering that in most movies there is either some ambient music playing in the background or random hawk screening in the distance.
It was so quiet that my ears began to ring in order to fill in the absence of sound.
To some people it might be unnerving but for us it was an interesting, relaxing experience. I think it was because when you are hearing nothing, it forces you to be in the present moment. Your not worrying about the things you normally worry about. You are being alert about what's going on in that very moment. Words cannot describe the bliss of hearing nothing.
Hiking through Arches National Park the only company you have are
You
Your partner (relationship or a hiking buddy)
the landscape
That's it.
While we did see other hikers from time to time, the majority of the time it was just us and the rocks. It was amazing for us to just experience these natural wonders with only the silence of the desert to accompany us.
Not wanting to share the moment with the rest of the world
I honestly have to say I did not once wanted to post something to social media. This was Kelly and my time to reflect on ourselves; to learn to experience and honestly to disconnect with everyone.
While I love the connection with people of similar interests accross the world, I don't want to be disconnected from myself. If anything the message I want to spread out to the world has to come from a person who understands who they are at that moment.
The new,the discarded and revitalized activities that i discovered.
The Milky way at Balance Rock by Chris Jaser 2019
When you decide to stop your daily habits at home, what do you naturally find yourself doing when you are in a new place? This what I discovered.
The rediscovered.
hiking- I think my body craved psychical activities like hiking. While most of my days are sitting at a desk creating, this trip confirmed my suspicion that I love psychical activities. Especially where there is a goal of getting to delicate arch before sunset or to figure out how to get to a spot when there is no clear path. The reward of reaching the summit in triumph. Your aches and pains wash away as you are filled with accomplishment. This is something that I am taking back to Salem as I am now looking for new activities, new trails to explore. Keep finding the Wonder of this world.
Travel/nature- I feel sometimes when it comes to traveling that everything needed to be 100% planned out. That each day needs to be on a schedule see each site then move on. Sort of like consuming the whole cake before evening tasting it. Other than planning our flights and reservations, we really just went by ear. It wasn't a rush to see everything, in fact we just kept going back to Arches national park. We were planning to go to canyonlands and other parks during that week but for us there was so much to see that we just wanted to explore without the feeling rush to see the next thing. We're actually talking about going out there again because we didn't see everything. I think that's what makes traveling fun is feeling you only saw a portion but wanting to come back to see more.
The discarded.
filming/animation/social media- Whenever I do hikes I will start thinking of ideas for future films/animation. This trip was different. I didn't pick up my camera to film anything. I didn't fill my sketchbook with storyboards for the next animated short. I just did not have the urge to document my vacation (making B rolls of rocks doesn't sound appealing) or to work on the next big story. The memories I have of that trip are for my and Kelly viewing only.
I also discovered that even though I have the skills to make a short film, I didn't have the desire to. I think that was the big takeaway. I love movies and especially animation but as I am getting older the time to make them for me is too much.
Being back I have some little sparks to animate again but only little looping clips. I realize that I am looking at animation and filmmaking as hobbies. I need to have an enraging fire of excitement in order for me to make short films again. A “I need to bring this into the world” sort of feeling.
For now, I think making small videos with little bit of editing for YouTube and animated gifs of characters will suffice for now.
The new.
False Dawn at Balance Rock by Chris Jaser 2019
Photography- This was sort of new because I have always had an eye for photography but this trip, I really fell in love with it. I found with myself pulling out my phone to take pictures but also my mirco four thirds to take breath taking shots of the scenery. I think there was a moment the idea was planted in my head that photography was never going to be a path for me now that everyone has smart phones (boy was I wrong). However, I think there is a satisfaction of setting up the shot, taking the photo and see what you have captured. I still looking at it as a hobby but I am certainly taking my DSLR camera with me on future hiking and trips to improve my skills as a photographer.
Sketchbook traveler- this trip was actually what gave me the title for this blog & podcast. On my bucket list is when I travel somewhere new I will sketch the highlight of the day. First time doing it was this trip. Kelly actually remarked on my first drawing was that I captured the feeling of how it was like being there. I 100% agree with her. While photographs can capture what it was like there, I think drawings bring out the emotions of the event. You as the viewer are seeing what the artist was seeing and feeling in that moment of time. Plus I can draw outside of my comfort zone;pushing me to become a better draftsman.
Astrophotography- I know I just talked a little about photography but this needs its own category by itself. I never done this before and honestly failed the first night. But when I got back to the hotel, watched some YouTube videos, and dialed in my setting. The second night when I snapped that first starry picture, I knew I found a new hobby. It was a pure rush seeing the sky light up with so many stars. Each picture was more beautiful than the last. It so hard to explain the emotions but I just felt like a kid discovering something for the first time. It gave me a sense of wonder. Waiting to see what I captured on the screen as the camera processed the image. Not even the cold dark and frankly creepy desert could stop our excitement as we captured the night sky.
Now being back home, I am still thinking about Moab. It's has left a significant impact on our lives and revealed things about us that we weren't expecting.
I am reassessing how I go about things and finding ways not to burn out. I think part of the fun of traveling to new places is that you rediscover yourself. To find the purpose that you thought was lost but you never lost in the first place.
As the saying goes
“Not all those who wander are lost.”
J. R. R. Tolkien
And I think I needed to become lost in order to find myself.
